Moderating the Mormon Discourse on Modesty

 

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife just had an article in the print version of Exponent II called Moderating the Mormon Discourse on Modesty. I think it is one of the best articles I have seen to date on the issue. It is more thoughtful and balanced than many other pieces I have read on this subject (which too often are either a bit too intent on keeping the status quo, or a bit too incendiary).

Here's a tidbit:

"As a subculture that believes in the sacredness and limited scope of legitimate sexual expression, the cavalier manner in which broader American culture flaunts and trivializes sexuality threatens our values and stirs a deeply held anxiety: we fear our sexuality may undermine our spiritual progression, keep us from God, and cost us our social standing. In the face of these risks, getting women to cover up seems like an efficient solution, if not a righteous response to the perceived threat to our values. 

"However, the cultural meaning of this expectation for 

women is extraordinarily costly to them, because it 

represents women’s disproportionate shouldering of our 

shared sexual anxiety. While many would argue that 

modesty protects women from sexual objectification 

and devaluation, I suggest the rhetoric on modesty does 

precisely the opposite."

Note how she states that the "rhetoric on modesty" does the opposite of what it intends. A very interesting read. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Modesty - It's for Boys Too

I was pleasantly surprised to find this short article about a mom's recent encounter with modesty and her son. She's keen not to offend anyone, but I'm hoping that this will start more conversations about modesty in the church that include discussions for our young men on how modesty applies to them (and not solely to the young women they encounter around them). Thoughts?

2 Nephi 11: Learning Forgiveness by Reading Nephi

Nephi commands his brothers to help him build a ship. 

I can learn to forgive Nephi for his human failings, but I'm not sure that I can forgive the artist of this painting.

Jacob finishes preaching (v. 1) and Nephi goes on to bear his testimony, or to share his statement of belief (vv. 2-8). I was surprised that Nephi's testimony got to me. Instead of feeling preachy, Nephi's words seem authentic as he shows concern for his people.

As I've been critiquing Nephi, I've been conscious of the fact that I've not been kind. The correlated (go to BCC and view search results for "correlation") material on Nephi is overwhelmingly positive. In the LDS Church, there is a particular narrative that is attached to Nephi. He is a good guy. His brothers are bad. The brothers rebel against Lehi and Nephi. The brothers become badder. Nephi is forced to flee for his life. The brothers are the baddest. In a Sunday school class, if you want to identify someone as an evil rebel, you compare them to Laman and Lemuel. Nephi is nothing short of saintly and flawless. In this reading, I've seen that the situation with Nephi and his brothers is much more complicated and I've explored some of those complications in previous posts.

But what do I get from deviating from the approved narrative? At first I felt kind of bad. I was not reading the scriptures in the right way, but I was trying to approach the text honestly. I wondered if my plan to blog the Book of Mormon was doomed to spiritual failure. I was concerned that I was on a fruitless path. In the last few days, I have come to understand the value of my approach for me. My mother-in-law often says something like "Catholics are supposed believe that the pope is infallible, but they don't really believe it. Mormons are supposed to believe that the prophet is fallible, but they don't really believe it." It is easy to follow your leaders if you believe that they are perfect, but much harder when confronted with the realities of their humanity. I've come to forgive Nephi for being human, for getting into family arguments, for his sexism, for his racism. I don't have to like those things, they just are. He is a man of his time. He has terrible people skills.

In coming to a place of forgiveness, I find that there are other areas of my life where I expect people to be perfect. I think that I end up placing the ridiculous expectation of perfection on those closest to me. I have expected my husband to be perfect. I have expected my four and five year old daughters to be perfect. I'm not perfect, but every day part of me thinks that if I just try a little harder, I might actually arrive at some minor degree of perfection. And I am trying to drag my family in the same direction like a drill sergeant getting the new recruits over the wall. You can imagine how much they love that.

As I understand and forgive Nephi for his imperfections, I'm coming to terms with my own unreasonable expectations. These ideas have take hold in my mind and I'm able to enjoy my home life more. I can see that my husband and children are really wonderful people who are doing their best. And their best is pretty fabulous. All mistakes, annoyances, forgotten list items, and morning crankiness can be forgotten. Those things do not speak the truth about my family.

And whatever happens as a result of Pants, Pray, and Ordination, I can also be patient with my church leaders.

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com

Breaking the Mormon Taboo: Women and Ordination

I was surprised to find this in my search for images related to the ordination of women. It seemed appropriate.

I've hesitated to write too much about this, but my profile is now available on Ordain Women, so here we are. I'm not sure how speaking about or believing in the ordination of women came to be a sign of Mormon feminist extremism, but people are now talking about it (fMh, T&S, Expo, SCS, Z's D's, 9M, and others). Hopefully this will be a long and interesting conversation on an overdue topic.

Before you think I must be an apostate and/or crazy because of my belief in the ordination of women, please hear me out. I am not asking you to agree, I'm just asking you to listen. I tried putting all of my thoughts about women and ordination in a single blog post, but it was going to be far too long. So instead, this is a post introducing the topic.

My profile on Ordain Women had to be edited down, but here is the original...

My husband and I married in the St. George Temple after meeting in graduate school. I teach art history at a state university in Utah. I’ve held a number of callings, including Relief Society pianist and music leader, cub scout leader, Primary and Early Morning Seminary teacher, and activity days leader. I like to read, write, and play music with my two daughters. I'm blogging my way through the Book of Mormon.

The language of the Temple Initiatory, scriptures, LDS history, and my patriarchal blessing hint at the ordination of women. I think of Heavenly Mother’s role as priestess and as part of God, and I think that she must hold the priesthood in her own right. She must have been ordained to be a priestess, she must have the power of God in order to be part of God. I believe that women should be ordained so that we can prepare to be like our Heavenly Parents.

I grew up in a difficult family. My belief in God's love for me has been an important anchor throughout my life. Mormonism continues to shape my belief in God, forms a significant component of my sense of community, and offers me hope for a life of eternal learning and progression. I'm a Mormon, and I believe that women should be ordained.

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com 

2 Nephi 9: Arguing Se(wo)mantics

Jacob is still prophesying and teaching. He says that he is reading Isaiah so that the people will know about the covenants that God made with the house of Israel (v. 1). He speaks of the gathering of the Jews and their reconciliation with God (v. 2), Jesus coming to Jerusalem (v. 5),  and the resurrection and atonement (vv.4-8). In verse 9, Jacob references Satan, Adam, and Eve. He references The Fall, which happened when "that being ... beguiled our first parents". I am surprised that Jacob doesn't place all of the blame on Eve. I wonder how the account of The Fall in the brass plates differs from the account in the KJV.

The following verses continue to discuss what happens to the soul after death, referencing paradise, spirit prison, and judgment, which are all central to the Plan of Salvation. Jacob then goes on to talk about the wonderfulness of God, but instead of referencing the Heavenly Parents, he is actually referencing Jesus (vv 20 ff).

"And he cometh into the world that he may save all men if they will hearken unto his voice; for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature*, both men, women and children, who belong to the family of Adam" (v. 21).

Just now when I read this and now as I write about it, I was drawn to the specific reference to women. Hurray! Jesus understands women! But as I reread it, there are problematic elements in the language.

When I was in high school, I chose Latin as my foreign language option. My teacher repeatedly emphasized that if you have a large group of women together and there is one man included in that group, you use the masculine plural to describe that group. One man changes the gender of the group from feminine to masculine. I appreciate that the Bible wasn't originally written in Latin, but I've always assumed that Hebrew and Greek were more or less the same when it came to rules of gender. (Biblical scholars, tell me if I'm wrong.) In the scriptures, you can read the word "men" and know that the author could have meant "men only" but also "men and women".

In the past, I've consciously read the word "men" as "mankind", which I understood to including men and women. I probably got the idea from General Conference, lesson manuals, and church magazines that reference "mankind" far more often than the scriptures.  In this particular reading of the Book of Mormon, I'm not applying my former mankind rule and because of the misogyny that I've discussed in previous posts, I now feel that Book of Mormon authors mostly just mean men when they use that word. In the verse above, Jacob explains his inclusive use of "men" in this instance and I'm glad that he clarifies. And the very fact that he feels he has to clarify his meaning here suggests that he doesn't generally mean "mankind" when he uses the word "men". This definition comes at the end of a longer explanation of what happens to the soul after death, where he used the word "men" repeatedly. So Jacob, what happens to the souls of women when they die? (Sorry for the drama, it feels appropriate.)

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com

* I have to say that the use of the word "creature" to describe women and children is more than a little off-putting. I looked the term up on Vine's Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, which indicated that "creature" could simply refer to something that has been created, as opposed to the negative connotations that the English word carries. So I'm going to let "creature" go. And yes, I know that I had to look up a Greek word to try and explain a Hebrew-word-written in-"reformed-Egyptian"-and-translated-by-divine-inspiration-into-English. Linguists, please forgive me.

2 Nephi 8: Heavenly Father and Heavenly She That Bare You

Jacob is still preaching from the brass plates (Isaiah 51 and the beginning of 52). I have to say that the opening of this chapter is comforting to me. God is speaking here: "Hearken unto me, ye that follow after righteousness. Look unto the rock from whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit from whence ye are digged" (v. 1). As I read this, I'm not entirely sure of what Jacob and Isaiah are referring to. I'm not sure if God is referred to as rock for quarrying anywhere else. I like the idea that I'm made of the same stuff as my Heavenly Parents, though I'm disappointed that the church doesn't explicitly teach that women are made in the image of Heavenly Mother. (If I am wrong about this, please correct me in the comments and post an appropriate link).

Jacob/Isaiah goes on to say "Look unto Abraham, your father, and unto Sarah, she that bare you; for I called him alone, and blessed him" (v. 2). This verse is kind of a double-edged sword, because it mentions the righteous as descending from Abraham and Sarah, though I wonder why the text calls Sarah "she that bare you" instead of "mother".

I'm wondering about the different Hebrew meanings of "father", "mother" and "she that bare you", but Vine's Expository Dictionary of Old and new Testament Words is no help. And so I turn to Wikipedia for an explanation of the word father. Now I have to say that this Wikipedia article doesn't specifically discuss fatherhood in Judaism during the time of Isaiah, but it does discuss fatherhood in Ancient Greece. (Yes, I know that scholars of Ancient Greece and/or Ancient Judaism are rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at an art historian trying to explain that info from one culture might explain the other, but just hear me out for a minute. And if Vine's had an explanation of these terms, I wouldn't be employing bad comparisons from Wikipedia.)

"We find an enlightening example of this social development in Aeschylus's tragedy The Eumenides. The Coryphaeus of the Erinyes blames matricidal Orestes for having shed his own blood, but God Apollo replies that this is absolutely untrue because the mother is only a wet-nurse and not a progenitor of the child, whose blood derives from his/her unique parent: the father." (emphasis added) 

I realize that I could be completely wrong here, I'm guessing that the ancient Jewish idea of fatherhood wasn't all that different. Having read the Old Testament a bunch of times, the OT prophets have no great affection or reverence for mothers. Really, the article's explanation of motherhood vs. fatherhood sheds a lot of light on Jacob/Isaiah's words. The father is the true ancestor of a child and the mother is just the vehicle through which the child is given life. This is explained somewhat in the statement "I [God] called him [Abraham] alone, and blessed him" (v. 2). "She that bare you" is not called or blessed in the same way.

While I was initially excited to see Sarah's name mentioned, the balloon of my enthusiasm has been popped. I appreciate that the text is Jacob's version of Isaiah's recording of what God said, and perhaps not word-for-word what God said, but it hurts that God doesn't call Sarah "mother". But I don't believe that God is the misogynist here. We don't often refer to Heavenly Mother in the church, we certainly don't refer to her as Heavenly She That Bare You. That just sounds insulting. Deep breath. Prophets are men of their time. Prophets are men of their time...

If you are a scholar of Hebrew, please tell me that I'm wrong.

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com

Meta Mormon: On Hearing God

I'm no stranger to the Book of Mormon, but this 23rd read is proving to be very difficult. I'm used to reading my scriptures quickly, covering four or more chapters in a day. This kind of reading gives me a great big-picture view of the scriptures. I was really enjoying this big-picture view until it suddenly felt too monotonous last year.

But reading the scriptures daily, spending 20-30 minutes on each reading session, was about a lot more than the scriptures. During those reads, I reflected on my day, my actions, and the direction of my life, but mostly I used that time to hear God. And some of you are going to think "Wow - Nancy thinks she is hearing God. That is just crazy." I have no counter argument for that. Chances are, if you embraced spirituality at some point in your life, sometimes you think that God is trying to tell you something.

Its not that I heard God every day, but there were many instances when I felt that God was trying to teach me, through impressions and feelings, things I could not learn on my own. These moments helped me to feel that God loved me and was aware of the details of my life. God knew what I was struggling with at that moment. There is nothing like a little divine empathy and guidance to make you feel that you can tackle the challenges of life. And reading the scriptures in that fast-paced way created the necessary space in my life for me to hear God.

Blogging the Book of Mormon slowly, as I'm doing now, does not always create this same kind of space. Instead, I find that I am searching for God in the text instead of waiting for God to just show up. Mostly I feel that I am not finding God in the ways that I had expected. I am hearing Nephi, and now Jacob, wrestle with their own spiritual paths. I am watching them try to hear God in their own lives. I previously saw prophets as having a buddy-buddy relationship with God, but it turns out that things aren't that simple. Being a prophet doesn't fix all of your problems and it certainly complicates your relationships with others.

When I created the goal of blogging the Book of Mormon, this was not what I had intended to learn. Learning about being a prophet but still retaining many human flaws is not a fun kind of thing to learn. In fact, it is uncomfortable and a little painful. It is easier to believe that God's prophets are just mini versions of God walking around on earth, with all of God's knowledge and power. As it turns out, prophets are regular people with all of the prejudices of their time. They confuse culture with doctrine on occasion, just like the rest of us. I suppose that this is a timely lesson to learn as I wrestle with Mormonism and Feminism and think about the future of both.

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com/

Today I Wore Pants to Church

Last Sunday I wore dressy trousers to church, but it was Stake Conference and we ended up sitting in a nearly-empty overflow room. I was nervous, but no one really saw me. Having an easy first time helped me to get over my nerves about wearing pants to church and I did it again today in my ward.

My ward really surprised me. No one commented on my gray pants, though I did get one dirty look and a primary leader was visibly startled when she saw my pants. But no one commented. I'm sure there will be some gossip about it, but I'm hoping it will quickly become a non-issue. I plan to continue wearing pants to church.

As I've thought about it these last few months, there are lots of reasons why I want to wear pants to church. Here are some of those reasons, in no particular order.

Reason: I teach a class in junior primary (currently the 5 year olds) and we do a lot of activities on the floor. Wearing a skirt or dress is impractical. There is a reason that you never see preschool, kindergarten, or first grade teachers wearing skirts or dresses in this day and age. It just doesn't work.

Reason: I don't actually like wearing skirts or dresses, unless it is too hot to wear anything else comfortably. I only ever wear skirts or dresses for church. I really dislike tights/pantyhose and so when I wear skirts or dresses, my legs are bare and then I freeze in the winter. I'm an adult and I can make my own clothing choices.

Reason: The purpose of Wear Pants to Church last December was to raise awareness about the pain that some women and men feel over gender inequality in the LDS church. I know that not all LDS women feel pain over this issue and that is fine. I feel this pain and I want to raise awareness about gender inequality. I didn't wear pants last December. I didn't yet have nice dress pants and I had the flu on the actual day, but I am wearing them now.

Reason: In 2013, women can dress up and still be wearing pants. I'm not quite sure when or how this cultural shift happened during the last century, but it did. I googled "when did women start wearing pants" and got a poorly cited wikipedia article and a bunch of websites addressing whether or not the Bible says its ok for women to wear pants. I think this is a little ridiculous, because I get the impression that just about everyone in the Bible wore a long tunic or dress. If Western society dealt with men wearing pants to church hundreds of years ago, we can cope with women wearing pants in the twenty-first century.

Reason: In wearing pants to church, I am not breaking any church rules. If my pants offend anyone, I am offending their sense of cultural propriety, but not church policy or doctrine. I've seen Scottish men and boys wear kilts to church and I've seen Polynesian men and boys wear lava-lava to church. If Mormons can find a way to cope with skirted men, surely we can do the same with trousered women.

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com/

2 Nephi 7: The Importance of Asking Questions

Jacob continues to preach from Isaiah 50. It is a short chapter that that starts off by using the voice of God to condemn the people for turning away from him (v. 1-3). The rest of the chapter is in Isaiah's voice, spoken through Jacob, who identifies with Isaiah.

Isaiah/Jacob talks about the things that he has received from God to help him be a prophet. "The Lord God hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season unto thee, O house of Israel" (v. 4). "The Lord God hath opened my ear, and I was not rebellious, neither turned away back" (v. 5). "For the Lord God will help me, therefore I shall not be confounded" (v. 7). "And the Lord is near, and he justifieth me" (v. 8). "For the Lord God will help me" (v. 9).

I find it a little strange that Jacob is preaching about how much God is helping him and justifying him. I understand these statements in the context is journal writing and record keeping, but when these things are part of a sermon, I'm a little confused. "I was not rebellious" models the behavior that Jacob wants others to follow, but the other statements are included to justify the speaker's power over others. I am uncomfortable with this kind of persuasion because it is too forceful. It is as if Jacob is saying "God is watching me/us right now, and he approves this message". It would be the kind of sermon an experienced or overbearing leader would give. It is not hard to see that Jacob takes some of his cues from Nephi, who never seemed to realize when he was being overbearing.

The reason that this makes me uncomfortable is that there isn't much room for personal growth or spiritual development when a leader insists on being followed or their language is too manipulative. I believe in following my church leaders, but I also believe that I can draw a line and think for myself. I'm allowed to ask questions. Yesterday I read this article over at Modern Mormon Men about this very issue. The whole of Mormonism is founded on the question of a teenage boy, and I really love that. Joseph Smith earnestly sought an answer and he got one, but not the one he expected. I wish that we had a culture of encouraging questions in our church, instead of seeing them as faithless.

When I think of good questions that have been asked in the church and their positive results, I think about the lifting of the priesthood ban in 1978, the lowering of the missionary age in 2012, and the new edition of the scriptures that was announced yesterday. Some of the changes in the new edition are discussed in this article over at BCC, but they boil down to placing scriptural statements in a clearer historical framework. As an (art) historian, I think that this is a big positive change. I'm looking forward to comparing the chapter headings of some of the racism Book of Mormon chapters in the old and new versions. The church is moving in the direction of more openness with regard to our (often difficult) history and I applaud these efforts. Keep asking those questions!

Cross-posted at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com

2 Nephi 2:6 Baroque-Style Drama

Cross-posted over at Nickel on the 'Nacle 

This chapter records Jacob's preaching. Jacob was still very young while they crossed the sea in a ship, and is perhaps a young adult by this point. He indicates that he was ordained by Nephi and not by Lehi (v. 2). He also mentions that the people look to Nephi as a king (v. 2). Jacob references previous preaching and it seems like he might be Nephi's protege (v. 3). Jacob is interested in Isaiah and says that he is reading to the people from that prophet's text (vv. 4 and 5). My guess is that Jacob is reading from the original brass plates and not a copy, though I guess there might be a copy on a roll or on other plates. Codices aren't in use at this time and their (perhaps) only model book is on plates of brass.

Jacob talks about bringing together of the Jews and the Gentiles (vv. 6-7). "Thou shalt know that I am the Lord; for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me" (v. 7). This verse stands out to me at this moment in my life. Periodically, and increasingly frequently these days, I become frustrated about gender issues in the church. And sometimes this frustration turns into anger and I start to lose my perspective. 

This past weekend was one of those times. I made a decision in the middle of last week to start wearing pants/trousers to church. I was all geared up for nasty comments and minor pants-related drama, but that's not what happened. My husband reminded my late on Saturday that the following morning was Stake Conference, not regular church. I got up on Sunday morning, got the girls ready, put on my nicest (new) dress pants, and we headed out. We arrived just as it was starting and headed into an overflow room where the conference in the chapel was being broadcast via tv. It is easier for the girls if we're not in the same room with five hundred other people. For half an hour or so, we were the only ones in that little side room. No dramas, no comments on my dress pants. The girls were well-behaved as they read books, wrote and drew pictures in their journals, and played silently on the iPads. The opening talk grated on my feminist sensibilities, but I was particularly surprised by the thoughtfulness of the last two talks, which were genuinely helpful as I was trying to work through this frustration that had boiled over into real anger. 

The two talks discussed things like slowing down and savoring the good in our lives, avoiding extremes, and finding greater patience. All three of these things related to the anger I was feeling and offered me a way through my intense feelings. Trying to change the direction of my thoughts wasn't about trying to forget my frustration with gender issues or pretending they don't exist, but trying to regain peace of mind and a sense of perspective. 

It is easy to get carried away with a single issue. The development of this story, which played out in Facebook group and on LDS blogs, pushed one of my buttons. Stories like this make me want to shake my hands at the heavens, like Mary Magdelene in this painting (detail from Caravaggio's Entombment, 1602-03),

and yell "Why, oh, why, Heavenly Parents, are we dealing with this nonsense in 2013?" You can almost see Mary Magdelene asking this.

When the conference speaker quoted 2 Nephi 6:7 "Thou shalt know that I am the Lord; for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me", I was able to remember that, for better or worse, waiting is an important part of this. I feel that I've had numerous spiritual confirmations that change will come, but I know that the pace of change will be slow. But it will come. But it will be slow. It will come. It will be slow. Deep breath. Patience. 

Anyone interested in reviving this blog?

When we started this blog, I wasn't ready to be a blogger, but things have changed for me in the last few months and I've been blogging the Book of Mormon over at http://nickelonthenacle.blogspot.com/. But that blog is just me and I'm interested in engaging in more of a conversation, particularly since Pants and Let Women Pray. I think that Pants particularly is a turning point for Mormon feminism and I'm interested in how others see these events and view Mormon feminism. Are up up for it?

Some Continued Thoughts on Modesty

Thinking back to prior posts about modesty (like this one), I thought this blog post and article on modesty (both by the same author) would add to the discussion, particularly with regard to how teaching modesty through the eyes of men objectifies women. Enjoy. Here is a teaser:

"[Modesty] also defined my relationship with men as one of predator and prey. It was my job to hide from men so that their sex drive would lie dormant, like a sleeping wolf. But if that wolf ever awakened, it was not because it had been sleeping for a long time and its circadian rhythm kicked in, or it was just naturally hungry. It was my fault because I had done something to “bait” the wolf. Just by being visibly female, or by moving in “unladylike” ways. You cannot consider women full human beings unless you recognize that their lives do not revolve around the male sex drive."

to everything there is a season

Hi friends,

I had an enlightening conversation today with a friend who is currently juggling work, school, motherhood and several big life decisions. This talk by Elder Faust came up in our conversation. You are already great women in my eyes, but seeing as some of you also juggle children, careers, etc., I thought I'd share this link in hopes it might bring you good cheer!

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=3e23ef960417b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

"...you cannot do everything well at the same time. You cannot be a 100 percent wife, a 100 percent mother, a 100 percent church worker, a 100 percent career person, and a 100 percent public-service person at the same time. How can all of these roles be coordinated? Says Sarah Davidson: “The only answer I come up with is that you can have it sequentially. At one stage you may emphasize career, and at another marriage and nurturing young children, and at any point you will be aware of what is missing. If you are lucky, you will be able to fit everything in. Doing things sequentially—filling roles one at a time at different times—is not always possible, as we know, but it gives a woman the opportunity to do each thing well in its time and to fill a variety of roles in her life. The Book of Ecclesiastes says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Kat

How Does Birth Control Affect Our Relationship with our Bodies and our Family Values?

Bonjour from Lindsay Hickok

A week or so ago, my sister, Courtney, invited me to join this blog - and oh! the joy! the enlightenment that has been found herein! :)

I haven't had time to read all the previous posts, but I assure you I will. I perused and I have to admit - I'm thoroughly excited. (and trying not to be thoroughly intimidated by you amazing, mighty, thoughtful women)

That being said, here is my introduction:
I am a woman, wife and mother of 2. I graduated from BYU with a degree in Nursing, though it was far from my passion. I was exceptionally interested in anthropology, psychology and biochemistry - but for a host of reasons I chose nursing. I worked in labor and delivery for five months but quit when I became pregnant with my daughter.
Being a mother is a humongous part of who I am, as is my being LDS. I served a mission in the Nevada Las Vegas West Mission, and I wish I could give the gospel the undivided attention I gave it for that year and a half.

Like I said, I love this blog already. I have a keen interest in the female human experience, so the topics you have covered thus far have been fun to explore!
I am excited to get to know everyone better - and to contribute meaningfully.

Exercise Charity and Nurture Those in Need

The third objective of the Relief Society is to "exercise charity and nurture those in need."

Firstly, I have to tell you about synchronicity. My life has been positively full of it lately. It began a couple weeks ago when I had some interesting and lovely connections with a longtime but far-away friend. I mentioned it to some people and was led to reading Consider the Butterfly by Carol Lynn Pearson. I have been noticing these meaningful coincidences all over the place, and now here I have another. Often I think synchronicity is God's way of speaking to us, and those meaningful coincidences can give us a boost-- they are the tender mercies (to use a cliched term) God grants us. And this is where the Relief Society objectives come in. My Relief Society lesson on Sunday was on Elder Holland's talk "The Ministry of Angels" from General Conference, and there was much discussion about how we, as sisters, can act as angels on errand from God to help others. I have been thinking so much about our lesson and how I need to be more in tune with God to be that messenger of charity and love. And, now, I finally get around to writing this post and I see that the next objective is to "exercise charity and nurture those in need." Synchronicity in deed!

The well-known scripture in Matthew tells us what will save us in the end: charity. "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these . . . ye have done it unto me." The ultimate judgment comes down to how we have treated one another, how we have cared for one another. As sisters in Relief Society, we have the responsibility to care for one another as women. I think I have mentioned visiting teaching in my other posts, but it is the easiest place to start. Looking around the room at church can be particularly daunting to know where to start with nurturing those in need, but in our visiting teaching assignments, we have (usually) two women we can start with. Whether or not a woman's needs are visible or dramatic, every woman needs to be nurtured. Every woman can benefit from another friend, from another caring person.

Charity can be a very vague term. "The pure love of Christ" is a wonderful defining term, but it doesn't do much for practical application. Whenever I think of serving those around me and being truly charitable, all I can think to do for people is to bake them something. This is a start. But I'm well aware it's nowhere near enough. I think this is where being truly in tune with God comes into play. Also, we need to be willing to completely throw our inhibitions out the window. When we see an opportunity to reach out to someone, it is so easy to reason our way out of it, but we must get in the habit of acting quickly when it comes to service. (99 times out of 100 I give in to my inhibitions instead of acting charitably. I must remedy this!)

Ultimately what I want to stress in this post is the importance of this objective. One line in Elder Holland's talk is "God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face." I truly think it is our responsibility to be God's emissaries, to be charitable and to nurture our fellow sisters so that they feel God's love through us. (Go read Elder Holland's talk again. Seriously.)

But the question I have for you is how to apply this practically. What do you think are the most important ways to show charity? How have others been meaningfully charitable to you? In what other ways is "exercising charity and nurturing those in need" important? Please tell me all your other thoughts about exercising charity and nurturing those in need.

More Introductions

Hello my friends, we have several lovely women who have just joined our blog:

Gwen Allen, Heather Aagard, Laura Judd, Lisa Anderson, Missy Riley and Rebecca Lippincott.

I'm so pleased you've joined!

Although I know how wonderful you are, why don't you each post an introduction so all the other women can also revel in your fabulousity. Welcome!

Emphasize Divine Worth

The second official objective of the Relief Society is to "emphasize the divine worth of each sister." The first thing that comes to mind is visiting teaching. While I may not be the model of a perfect visiting teacher, I think it is a divinely-inspired program. It makes the statement that every woman is worth visiting. Every woman is worth being looked after. Every woman is worth the time, the effort, the thought. I have had both fabulous and awful visiting teaching experiences. I have been both fabulous and awful as a visiting teacher. But when it functions properly, visiting teaching helps emphasize the divine worth of each sister. (Are we not all motivated to do our visiting teaching this month?)
For some reason, emphasizing the divine worth of each sister is necessary in that an often correct stereotype of women is to feel decidedly un-divine. But I do think the Relief Society is trying to combat this. I recall a few Women's Conferences ago the talks focusing on our divine worth (does anyone have a link to any specific talks? I can't seem to find one). And I also feel the Young Women's program did a great job at preparing me for womanhood (and Relief Society) by drilling my divine worth -- among other values -- into my head.
How do you think Relief Society performs at emphasizing the divine worth of each sister? In what ways could the Relief Society, as an organization, do better? In what ways could you do better at helping your fellow sisters appreciated and realize their divine worth?

I have a penchant for transparent blouses...

...which is strange because after living in Jerusalem last year, your friend who has been known by a sobriquet synonymous with "nude" came to better understand principles of modesty that had previously eluded her (I told my mother I wanted to wear hijab - I like this and this). I have been fascinated by how my perception of modesty has changed (and will still be changing, cf. post title).

My flat in the Old City of Jerusalem was situated next to a neighborhood where many religious Jewish families lived, so I was often walking around women who exemplified a type of modesty that led me to view the BYU dress code as a standard for modesty as one par with the level at which movie ratings offer a standard of appropriate content. Part of my revelation about modesty was understanding how clothing is only one expression of modesty. I have often operated under the mistaken impression that if certain body parts are covered, then I'm being modest. I have failed to realize, however, that if the covering is primarily over-stretched lycra, I haven't actually concealed anything but my natural coloring, right? So for these women, modesty wasn't faux modesty (my xs Shade shirts are sighing in the closet), but by covering their feet to their wrists to their collarbones, these women presented their bodies as something private, something holy. And they were so beautiful! I was amazed by how their modesty set them apart from other women, really a tangible difference in their demeanor and how they carried themselves, as women who understood themselves as women - perhaps who understood the power and beauty and sacredness of their female bodies and reflected their understanding through the respectful discretion with which they presented themselves through clothing. Perhaps also as respect for God?

Dressing is more of an adventure for me now, more of a thoughtful process. I love thinking of it in terms of keeping my body mysterious to everyone but my husband. I also really love how, by thinking of my body as something more holy (also holiness= apart, separate) and sacred, it has become to feel more holy and sacred to me; like, the virtues I endow it with, it more fully engenders. And I love how it changes how I interact with people, I am much more comfortable, much less self-conscious, I can focus more on experiencing the ideas and content of human interaction than on the style or presentation or material aspects of our interaction. And I'm enjoying how modesty is influencing other areas of my thought, like ideas about purity (like, physical cleanliness).

I know many of you have understood modesty far earlier than I, so- what does modesty mean to you (and I'm talking about this as a personal, subjective principle (ie, not as a cultural force or how one's modesty is related to another person's righteousness (you know the conversation I am averting))? On a material level, how has it influenced your sartorial choices? And how has it influenced your theories about other aspects of life? Have their been events, changes in your life that have affected how you think about modesty? Do you know where I can find any modest skirts?

"You Didn't Teach Me to Forget You"

You didn't teach me to forget you

Translation by Allison:

I haven't seen you

it's been so long

that the desire I feel

is to look in your eyes

and win your embraces

it's true, I don't lie

In this despair that I see myself

I've already arrived at that point

that I've switched places with you so many times [in my mind]

only to see if I meet [find] you

You really could forgive me

and just one more time accept me

I promise you that now I'll make myself go to where [i.e., become someone that will]

I'll never lose you again

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

In this despair that I see myself

I've already arrived at the point

that I've switched places with you [in his mind]

so many times only to see if I could find you

You really could forgive me

and just one more time accept me

I promise you that now I'll make myself go to where [i.e., become someone that will]

I'll never lose you again

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find myself