More Introductions

Hello my friends, we have several lovely women who have just joined our blog:

Gwen Allen, Heather Aagard, Laura Judd, Lisa Anderson, Missy Riley and Rebecca Lippincott.

I'm so pleased you've joined!

Although I know how wonderful you are, why don't you each post an introduction so all the other women can also revel in your fabulousity. Welcome!

Emphasize Divine Worth

The second official objective of the Relief Society is to "emphasize the divine worth of each sister." The first thing that comes to mind is visiting teaching. While I may not be the model of a perfect visiting teacher, I think it is a divinely-inspired program. It makes the statement that every woman is worth visiting. Every woman is worth being looked after. Every woman is worth the time, the effort, the thought. I have had both fabulous and awful visiting teaching experiences. I have been both fabulous and awful as a visiting teacher. But when it functions properly, visiting teaching helps emphasize the divine worth of each sister. (Are we not all motivated to do our visiting teaching this month?)
For some reason, emphasizing the divine worth of each sister is necessary in that an often correct stereotype of women is to feel decidedly un-divine. But I do think the Relief Society is trying to combat this. I recall a few Women's Conferences ago the talks focusing on our divine worth (does anyone have a link to any specific talks? I can't seem to find one). And I also feel the Young Women's program did a great job at preparing me for womanhood (and Relief Society) by drilling my divine worth -- among other values -- into my head.
How do you think Relief Society performs at emphasizing the divine worth of each sister? In what ways could the Relief Society, as an organization, do better? In what ways could you do better at helping your fellow sisters appreciated and realize their divine worth?

I have a penchant for transparent blouses...

...which is strange because after living in Jerusalem last year, your friend who has been known by a sobriquet synonymous with "nude" came to better understand principles of modesty that had previously eluded her (I told my mother I wanted to wear hijab - I like this and this). I have been fascinated by how my perception of modesty has changed (and will still be changing, cf. post title).

My flat in the Old City of Jerusalem was situated next to a neighborhood where many religious Jewish families lived, so I was often walking around women who exemplified a type of modesty that led me to view the BYU dress code as a standard for modesty as one par with the level at which movie ratings offer a standard of appropriate content. Part of my revelation about modesty was understanding how clothing is only one expression of modesty. I have often operated under the mistaken impression that if certain body parts are covered, then I'm being modest. I have failed to realize, however, that if the covering is primarily over-stretched lycra, I haven't actually concealed anything but my natural coloring, right? So for these women, modesty wasn't faux modesty (my xs Shade shirts are sighing in the closet), but by covering their feet to their wrists to their collarbones, these women presented their bodies as something private, something holy. And they were so beautiful! I was amazed by how their modesty set them apart from other women, really a tangible difference in their demeanor and how they carried themselves, as women who understood themselves as women - perhaps who understood the power and beauty and sacredness of their female bodies and reflected their understanding through the respectful discretion with which they presented themselves through clothing. Perhaps also as respect for God?

Dressing is more of an adventure for me now, more of a thoughtful process. I love thinking of it in terms of keeping my body mysterious to everyone but my husband. I also really love how, by thinking of my body as something more holy (also holiness= apart, separate) and sacred, it has become to feel more holy and sacred to me; like, the virtues I endow it with, it more fully engenders. And I love how it changes how I interact with people, I am much more comfortable, much less self-conscious, I can focus more on experiencing the ideas and content of human interaction than on the style or presentation or material aspects of our interaction. And I'm enjoying how modesty is influencing other areas of my thought, like ideas about purity (like, physical cleanliness).

I know many of you have understood modesty far earlier than I, so- what does modesty mean to you (and I'm talking about this as a personal, subjective principle (ie, not as a cultural force or how one's modesty is related to another person's righteousness (you know the conversation I am averting))? On a material level, how has it influenced your sartorial choices? And how has it influenced your theories about other aspects of life? Have their been events, changes in your life that have affected how you think about modesty? Do you know where I can find any modest skirts?

"You Didn't Teach Me to Forget You"

You didn't teach me to forget you

Translation by Allison:

I haven't seen you

it's been so long

that the desire I feel

is to look in your eyes

and win your embraces

it's true, I don't lie

In this despair that I see myself

I've already arrived at that point

that I've switched places with you so many times [in my mind]

only to see if I meet [find] you

You really could forgive me

and just one more time accept me

I promise you that now I'll make myself go to where [i.e., become someone that will]

I'll never lose you again

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

In this despair that I see myself

I've already arrived at the point

that I've switched places with you [in his mind]

so many times only to see if I could find you

You really could forgive me

and just one more time accept me

I promise you that now I'll make myself go to where [i.e., become someone that will]

I'll never lose you again

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find you

I go about losing myself

seeking in others' embraces your arms

lost in the emptiness of other paths

of the abyss in which you threw me

and shot me and left me here alone

Now that I live life without you

You didn't teach me how to forget you

you only taught me to want you

and wanting you I go about trying to find myself

Build Faith and Teach Doctrine

So I have decided that this blog will work, dangit! (I think at least a few of you are on board.) So here I go. I am going to do a series of posts hoping it will help generate some discussion here.

One of my visiting teachers is a Laurel adviser in our ward, and she commented on how odd it is to be repeating the Young Women's theme each week. We all agreed that it must be difficult to remember after all this time. It makes me wonder why we don't repeat or at least focus on the Relief Society objectives more often. The first of the official objectives of Relief Society is to "Build faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and teach the doctrines of the kingdom of God."

The year before I was married, I had a great Stake President (read one of his talks here). He said that if (in church) the Atonement wasn't mentioned in a talk or lesson, that talk or lesson wasn't worth giving. Two weeks ago we had our Christmas lesson in Relief Society. I haven't gotten a lot out of church lately, since I am still figuring out how to best handle my daughter at church, and we often leave early or come late to accommodate her naps. So, I was looking forward to the lesson. I was disappointed when the lesson consisted of the teacher listing all the things she loved about Christmas: Christmas music, Christmas lights, Christmas movies, Christmas candy, Christmas sweaters, Christmas shopping, etc. Then we watched a movie of the Christmas special the church did of Walter Cronkite telling the story of when soldiers stopped fighting on Christmas Day during WWI-- a great story, but not exactly what I had in mind for the Relief Society Christmas lesson. I left feeling rather disappointed that not once during the meeting had anyone even mentioned Christ. However, when I looked around the room as I left, the majority of the women were in tears. Clearly, this meeting had touched many hearts.

One thing I find difficult is to engage in Relief Society lessons. I recently moved into a family ward after having been in a BYU married student ward for three years. The dynamic is different, to say the least, but I think my current ward situation is much more realistic. How can we, as teachers and as listeners, help reach every sister to "build faith in Jesus Christ" and learn "the doctrines of the kingdom of God"? What have you done in Relief Society lessons to find Christ and strengthen your testimony when the lesson doesn't seem a ready vehicle to help you do so?

Multiply and Replenish

My husband and I used to discuss the command to "multiply and replenish." We both agreed that, to us, it meant to replenish by having two children and to multiply by having at least three. Early in our marriage, we thought four sounded like a nice number.

Then we had a baby.

Granted we have only had about seven months to settle into parenthood, but I have definitely been rehashing some of my thoughts about what multiply and replenish means. I am in california right now babysitting my sister's three oldest children. Add my daughter to the mix and I am now playing single mother of four. I have come to realize, since having my daughter, that I really and truly may not be able to emotionally handle as many children as I originally thought-- and that's ok with me. Lately I have been thinking if I could be happy with just two children, and if I think that could fall in line with the "multiply" command. Honestly, I don't think it's important to parse out exact numbers from the command; I know God doesn't require three or more children. But it is an interesting thought. Mormon families tend to be on the big side. Why, exactly? Are we under the impression that to multiply means we must multiply our two by some certain magic, enormous number? How big is your family? How has that influenced how big you want your (current or future) family to be? What does multiply and replenish mean to you?

Teaching the Ideal

My sister recently pointed me in the direction of a question and answer session at the BYU law school with Sister Julie Beck on March 7, 2008. As a fair warning, the video is pretty long (maybe 40min to an hour), and apparently you can't pause it, so I would make sure you actually have time to sit and watch it. Also, the sound is pretty bad, but if you keep with it until Sister Beck starts talking, you can get used to it; besides, her comments really are worth hearing.

In this session, Julie Beck addresses women in the law school at BYU. So, it should come as no surprise that many of the questions they posed to her had to do with working outside the home, careers, the conflict in some Relief Societies between mothers who have chosen to stay at home and mothers who are working or furthering their education, and the conflict some women feel as they strive to follow personal revelation and come up against judgment and criticism in and out of the home and workplace, whether they choose to stay at home or not.

There was also, perhaps not surprisingly, mention of the talk Sister Beck gave at General Conference in October of 2007, "Mothers Who Know", to which a number of Latter-Day Saint women (and men) reacted defensively. Despite any grumblings some might have initially experienced from that talk, I know in my heart that those words came from the Lord and that any problem I might have with some of those principles is in trying to reconcile the imperfect state of my life with an ideal model. Of course, the problem with this is that no one is perfect, everyone has different circumstances in their lives, and everyone can receive their own personal revelation about these matters from the Lord. Julie Beck knows this - she is not presenting a cookie cutter model as my sister points out, along with several other valid points, in her blog post on the subject. Sister Beck addressed this with the law students as well. In the church, we teach the ideal as something to strive for, to remind us of the things in our lives that are most important and then we let the exceptions follow, because there are many exceptions. Life happens. I have a dear friend who strives continually to be at home with her young son, but the current situations of her life prevent her from doing so. In fact, this is the case pretty much anywhere else in the world. Outside of the US, women work. That is part of life. That doesn't mean that those women no longer have the same responsibility to nurture and raise children in Christ. One of the points about this that Sister Beck brings up and is absolutely true is that no one can fulfill the role to have, raise and nurture our own children except for us. We cannot delegate it to someone else.

Sister Beck has mentioned this before in an address to young single adults:

"Some of you women are deciding now whether you should marry and have a family or choose a career. You are bright and qualified, and you have opportunities your grandmothers never dreamed of. The possibilities for earning credentials and making a mark for yourselves on the world stage have never been greater. But I hope you are making your decisions with the blessings of Abraham in mind. Latter-day Saint women should understand that no matter how many other people they enlist to help them with their home and children, they cannot delegate their role as the primary nurturer and teacher of their families. Righteous motherhood will always stretch every reserve they have to meet the needs of their families. As a daughter of God who has made covenants with Him, each of you carries the vital and indispensable female half of the responsibility for fulfilling the Lord’s plan. Each of you has the agency to prayerfully and humbly choose how to approach your career opportunities. Every choice has a consequence. You cannot have everything and do everything. You must choose with eternal priorities in mind. I would hope that you will understand that there are no glamorous careers. Every form of employment has its own innate challenges. Many choices available in the world today compete with eternal goals and responsibilities. Many choices could persuade you to delay or limit the number of children you invite into your family. Many choices could rob you of critical time and energy necessary to adequately care for your spouse, your children, and your responsibilities in the Lord’s kingdom. These decisions are between you and the Lord. He knows the desires of your heart and your unique situation."

So, we teach the ideal. This is very apparent if you think about the other principles we are taught in the church. Take for example, reading your scriptures daily. Now, in a perfect world we would all study intently every day from our scriptures without interruptions in a nice, quiet area of the house where we could pray and ponder on the deep doctrines therein. We would have family scripture study where all the little children sit and listen and participate in heartfelt, spiritual discussion (no matter their age) and everyone feels the spirit and testifies to each other about how wonderful the scriptures are. Well, this is just not reality most of the time! Most children will not thank their parents for continuing to persevere with scripture study until they are much older - when they are young, they just don't generally express those kinds of feelings. "Ah, mom, do we have to? Can't we skip it just for today?" might be closer to a typical response. I have a 17 month old son and the only way I get my scripture study in every day is to do it in the morning (because if I wait I get busy and then I get tired and then I fall asleep in the middle of the second verse I read). Well, my husband leaves for work early and so my scripture study usually consists of reading over breakfast while my little one throws his food on the floor, whines for my attention, or crawls all over me. I would have to say, that I absolutely love when he tries to imitate me by marking my scriptures for me. What a doll! If you have any fantasies about family scripture study, I would invite you to watch this video (this entire collection of documentaries from Fit for the Kingdom is wonderful because it brings the reality of everyday life as a member of the church to the fore while building testimony - none of us are alone in our struggles, even if we feel like we are). So does the reality of scripture study mean we shouldn't strive for the ideal, or the better part? Of course not! We consistently strive for the Spirit to be there in our scripture study because we are taught the ideal and we know of its importance, but that does not negate or belittle the actual experiences we have while studying the scriptures on a regular basis while we have kids running and screaming through the house, or are constantly interrupted.

Okay, so perhaps that seems a little off topic, but the truth of the matter is that we teach the ideal to strengthen us in remembering the things in this life that are of the most worth, that are truly important in the eternal scheme of things. I know that I am doing what the Lord wants me to do by pursuing my PhD. Do I completely understand why? Not really. Do I sometime feel guilty for enjoying myself at school? Sometimes, perhaps, but that is my own weakness, and I get to have faith that the Lord will make a way for me to go to school and to fulfill my responsibilities as a wife and mother. I often realize that it is okay to enjoy myself in my scholarly endeavors. In fact, it makes me better at them! At the same time, I know without a doubt that the absolutely most important thing in my life is my family and I am constantly on guard against the things in my life that pull me away from my husband, child and home. Is my house always clean and optimally inviting to the Spirit of the Lord? Hmm... no, no it is not. But does that mean that I should worry about justifying why my house is not "perfect", cease to consistently strive to make my home a place where the Spirit can dwell, and cease to do the best I can to create a spiritual haven for my family? Of course not. Why is it that we women consistently put down the work that we do in our homes that brings the Spirit, feeds and clothes our children, and makes our homes a place where we can truly and lovingly teach the gospel of Jesus Christ by example to those who are most dear to us?

So we get to the heart of the matter. Whether or not we work outside of our homes, the most important things we do are within those walls (take, for example, the little angel above). Sister Beck is absolutely right when she says that no matter what your choices, there is never enough woman to go around. And she has been there! She is an educated, professional woman too! She has stayed at home and she has worked outside of it. As have many of the women on the General Relief Society Board. Where did I, or anyone else for that matter (perhaps it is just me), ever get the idea that women in the General Presidencies are the perfect homemakers who never work, keep their homes tidy at all times, serve in every possible capacity, are always immediately there for their children, husbands, parents, neighbors, friends, strangers? Where did I get the idea that they are perfect? Hello! None of us are. There is the ideal in the principles we are taught, and then there is how we live our lives to the best of our ability in the face of the experiences that naturally are a part of this mortal existence. As Sister Beck mentioned at the law school, we should take each opportunity into account as it comes along into our lives, prayerfully consider our choices, and choose day to day with our eternal perspective in mind.

Okay, so there is so much more I could say, but I am going to stop there.

**As a side note, I have recently discovered that humming the theme song to Indiana Jones really does make cleaning the bathroom way more fun - don't believe me? You try it and see how long you can go without feeling incredibly adventurous or laughing hysterically! Never underestimate the power of music. :) "Dun da dun dunnnn, dun da dunnnnnn, dun da dun dunnnnnnnnn, dun da dun dun dun! Dun da dun dunnnnnn, dun da dunnnnnnnn, dun da daaaa da da daaaaa da da daaaa da da daaaaaaa dun da dunnnnn."